The sky was great today

Landin, or alternatively, Landon or Landan

I spent the afternoon at my fav Starbucks in Gastown, looking at the beautiful Vancouver sky as I walked over. I followed my coffee up with a traipsing sesh through Pacific Center looking at all the pretty things I want, oogling shoes and ruffly shit. Also, I was on the verge of tears for stupid, girly emotional reasons.

At this point I have already walked by a handful of people that were attractive to me, passing them all by without considering making a move, as today was not for that.
Suddenly I notice a group of guys, all well dressed. The third and last one I noticed was just a complete babe, wearing a blue white striped sweater with a toggle detail on the right shoulder. I walk by.

I was feeling espeicially confident today, ny hair was working out BEAUTIFULLY. It was enjoying the humidity free air by cascading down the back of of my greywhitestripey cashmere/wool (I know, I know, animal rights. It is an ethically made sweater though! Banana Republic told me so!) Cardigan.
All of a sudden, stripey RUNS BY. He stops across from Club Monaco and I look at him questioningly and smile. I want to communicate to him that I noticed his little jog, and that I am curious as that is just my natural inclination about those sorts of things.
He pauses his heavy breathing, looks at me and says
Have you ever
Breathing heavily
Have you ever had just a huge mind fuck?

All of a sudden, I am not walking away and we end up talking for 15 minutes in the middle of the mall.
Some topics of conversation we covered were:
• Hypothetically, if you had just until 2012 to do something, what would you do?
• His mechanic friend and bio fuels
• Me being passionate about food
• How he wants to help people with their finances-his passion
• How I am not his type, which is toooo bad
• How brown eyed people (me) are super emotionally driven and blue eyed people (him - I was definitely staring in his peepers) are more logically inclined.
• how although I am super sensitive, I am just operating at a higher level and other coloured eyes are trying to bring me down rather than rise to my level.... but I am super resiliant anyways....... According to Men's Health
•How he is not on drugs at the moment
• His pnemonic device for remembering names, attaching a vivid and emotional visual with my name.... at which point he describes me in paris with an esteemed chef folding tortellinis, while I wear a chefs hat and white gown all laced up.
•How he actually has to go and meet someone, but he is SOOOOO intrigued by me.
•My teeth, and my smile, I have the cutest two front teeth EVER! I must have been made fun of when I was a kid, but its great!
• What is it about me? He can't justify it in his mind why he wants to know everything about me, but he has to run, how can we take this to the next level.
• I give him my phone number. We can chat it out sometime!
• He has to go! He squeezes my arm, which was weird, mainly because it was deliberate and intentionall, full hearted physical contact. It was my bicep, in his hand, being squeezed.

After this, I walk into Club M, look at sll the delicious items in the spring line. I walk down granville a bit, head into a caffe artiganio and cry a bit waiting for my americano.
The end. Except not really, because I'm still sitting here, crying a little bit everynow and then.

.......I do not even have my period! I SWEAR!
<3 xxooxoxoxo love love

Dirt bags with ponytails standing next to babes in hats

I suck at booty calls. I suck at life!
I don't want to be a negative nancy right now, but I just have to vent these gross feelings here so I do not have to feel icky and pathetic all day. Thanks! I feel ten times better already!
I also feel really gooooood, because I just remebered! I totally win at dance floor make outs! DFMO! Fuck yes!
Last night began with a near overturbulation of stimulation. I could hardly contain myself! Pretty/gorgeous/sexxxy men EEVERYWHERE! I did not want to be objectifyibg all these babes with dirty make out sessions in my head, so I had to BREATHE and CALM THE FUCK DOWN. (I am not even sure where they all came from! I must have attacted them with the residual energy from the living room dance party I hosted early in the day. Guests = me and it was sexy! I promise!)
Anywaaaays, It was my friends birthday at the stroke of 12, at which point I simultaneously was finished work, so we sat at my bar and drank like champions(probably not though! I had three vodka tonics, he had 2 shots and 5 beers) while hot men SWARMED around us. As the night progressed, I ended up at the roxy with the bartenders from the bar downstairs, lost the birthday boy, and realized I didn't actually know any of these guys friends. So it was a little awkward..........
and then I made out. On the dance floor. With xxxxx, the bartender. I am losing enthusiasm as I recount the de-tails of this event, because although it was hot, I (obviously) wanted to take it further. No strings attached, kinda like the movie, but with more workplace gossip and awkwardness.
Just, it was taking forever for him to get past groping/kissing me!

Am I crazy and desperate for willing to thrust myself into an unflattering light just to get laid? Or is my vagina severely deficient in vitamin d.i.c.k. and as a healthy, happy, 20yo girl with a libido that is, well probably it's own organ by now, I am just doing what I need to survive ie not go through another sexless week.

It could really go either way.
Because I bolted. I stopped the dance floor make out, made a beeline for the washroom and subsequently ran out. Of. That. Place...
I texted T on the walk home. Wanting to hang out. I bootycalled him! It must have been obvious, it was 3AMISH! He responded right away stating that he has to wake up in four hours. I said yea buds! You need to sleep now then! He said I know right! AT WHICH POINT I TOLD HIM MY VAGINA AND I WERE GOING TO HANGOUT NOW GOOD NIGHT. Intent of booty call confirmed.
Denied.

So yea, I just want to take this moment to be thankful nothing EMBARRASSING happened last night! I am so glad I don't come across as weird/cockhungry/desperate! That I do not have to take this oppurtunity to think of ways to emerge gracefully, because I already am graceful. Jeez.

xx

Screw chocolate. I NEED this.

This book. It is just really pretty and big and is all about my favourite things.

Modernist Cuisine is a six-volume, 2,438 page set that is des­tined to rein­vent cook­ing. The lav­ishly illus­trated book use thou­sands of orig­i­nal images to make the sci­ence and tech­nol­ogy clear

Do you ever forget about your uncanny ability to be unappealing?

Sometimes, when you really really need an orgasm, but are too depressed to even touch yourdelf. Idk okay, it happens..... grizzly bear is there. And they will touch your privates with their music.

Long story long, I am drinking by myself in my room alone. I don't care about dignity here. The lights are off.

I care about d.i.c.k. and soap, mainly because my bedsheets smell like delicious soap and I just want to fuck.

Anyways.
I want to apologize too! For not being this bloggy fairytale! Things are not working out tonight. By working out, I mean I am not being sexxxed, pursued (except by 18yo booooooy) or well I am in the dark alone drinking right now. I am not spelling this shit out for you.
I think I need a marriage counselor, they have those for single people right? Because I need help too. Help me be less cool and more fuckable.
Apparently , everyone thinks I'm cool, I AM NOT GETTING LAID THO. Am I ugly? AM I fat? Is it because I dress badly?

.....

Please god. Tell me I don"t dress badly.

Maybe one day I won't be such a fucking disgusting human being and start winning at punctuation and grammar and stuff

Let me put it this way...
I am a borderline feminist. (Maybe? I don't know! Am I too slutty/fat?........AM I TOO SARCASTICCCCCC) I usually have two concerns for the day, making it to work on time and how I am going to deal with the pending implosion of my frustrated vagina. I went to a school where 90% of the population wore birkebtocks. I've spent the past two days feverishly writing letters to garner support for animal rights. Yesterday, I went grocery shopping and everything I purchased was vegan/cruelty free, this is not unusual for me. If you do not understand what I am saying here, let me sum up. I do not spend my time trying to impress you, person whose ideals and scope of integrity differ from mine. Sure, you are a neat person..... buuuut you eat meat. And you are a dick to me everyday.
I am turned off by that type of behavior! I have been the entire time I've known you!
Sure I am whimsy and fancy most of the time, BUT I AM FANTASIZING ABOUT SEXY MEN WHO ARE NOT SIMILAR TO YOU. Dissimilar. To. You.
Sooo yea. Just do you, and I'm going to do ME.

Are you really thinking about H and T STILL!?!? They clearly do not want.

Everytime i feel insane, like just wanting to BLOW. YOUR. PHONE. UP. I throw my battery underneath my bed and count to ten.
And tell my self it ended five months ago.
......and listen to rap, you know, desensitizing and shizz.
Here is a list of other ways to ignore/deal/parcel up gross/destructive/needy emotions and ship them off to easter island
• angus and julia stone. Nooo, this leads to tears, whoops
•working
•working out
•new perfume, only if you are going to see someone soon who appreiciates when you smell nice though! Do not wear to work you skank! Espeically if you work in a kitchen.
• stop smoking!
• stop with the x_____________!
•dont starve yourself you fucking victimized trauma patient! Eat a healthy snack and look like the happy glowing star you want to be!
• DO NOT text anyone any details about this situation! Write it down! Everyone is bored to death listening to stories about these lameo boys
• DO NOT CRY AT WORK!
•..... not even if you were really just emotional about puppies or some shizz! You look pathetic and new at life.
• go shopping, but pleeeease don't buy cute bras and panties. He is not going to see them and you already have tons! Get something practical like a new jacket or boots/heels that he WILL see when you inevitably bumpsies in line at urban fare.
• don't have sex with him
• do you, i mean me, i mean anyone except for T and that18yo!
• read the news you narcissistic fuck! WHAT IS HAPPENING IN EGYPT!?!? Would you survive in an adult conversation? Probably not because you are vain and lazy! Shape up your mind before everyone realizes you are just silly and depraved on the inside.
• just send in the fucking application, finish your degree, and stop whining about being aimless and bored. Gosh. If only you realized the truth before, that those buildings downtown labelled sfu have incredibly secret passageways/rooms just puuuuuurfect for banging in. Just sayin. Plus, that's where those cute boys with long hair ponytail blazer combos of babeishness are coming from. Just saaaayin!

oh my gosh, I forgot all about my premeditated posting topic of the day! jeez! sorry!

My favourite part of life is how i started this blog pretending i was going to write about cooking, when deep down all i wanted to write about was fucking.

All this is changing with a new weekly addition called
CRAZY VEGETARIAN SHIT I LIKE TO EAT
I may change this title! I may be posting pictures! Annnnd I may even write a few posts not mentioning boys and/or privates!
WILL YOU BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS......idk.
I am so hungry right now, time to try out some recipes!

Love love.