Who needs to fuck boys when you have mumford and sons AND a bottle of fireball AND ALSO other things to do, like your fucking life. what was my vagina thinking.

So yea, who feels silly today!!! ME! 

I should have known T hated me all along and basically thinks I´m the worst ever and  I should just delete his number AGAIN because clearly I have no use for it anymore. The End.

Well not the end actually. The skank train has undergone some serious renovations and is now ready to plow forward FULL THROTTLE into the depths of some sexy, rainy day depravity.  That is right folks! While I clearly have no ability whatsoever to hold the interest of the coke addled young and bright male  minds of this city....... I can sure reel more innocent, fragile types in like.... fish in a barrel? I have not lost my ability to appear to be attractive at least!

....And so I will recap this weeks exploits.  

`You could not be hotter if you tried´..... repeat in my ears this jingly little tune 25 more times throughout the evening and imagine my altered state of euphoria that resulted.  Granted.... this comment usually came after I performed  such erotic displays as 

1. masturbating in front of him
2. pulling my hair back 
3. being on top
4. sitting on my couch

Now, I do not want to have an over inflated self worth.  ...... But it feels nice when people think you are really hot in the middle of - the most fatiguing -  sex sesh.  Espeicially when this person is just a 22yo puppy dog that is so sweet and innocent and probably is infatuated with life at least thirty times a day! 
His name is Jacob and he is alsooooo a bartender! 

KAY HOLD THE JUDGEMNET HE ALSO GOES TO SCHOOL AND PLAYS SPORTS and is super sweet! And we are going to fuck like crazy tonight again. So yea........ probably throwing myself off a cliff here.  YOU KNOW BEING INVOLVED EMOTIONALLY IS SO DANGEROUS AND HAS NOT BEEN OVERLY REWARDING TO ME THUS FAR:  jeeeeeez.

But yea, we met in a gay bar which also happened to be my 13yo selfs wet dream! . 

AND ALSO MORE EXCITING SHIT ABOUT MY LIFE!

Just realized.... 12 CONSECUTIVE months in one city since I was 13! Coolio.

Love love, xoxoxoxox

WHOOO even GOES to the Morrissey on a fucking friday.

So how about celebrating your success?

Pretty underrated if you ask me!

I have accomplished a monumentally painstaking, clit numbingly harsh, and excruciating task. One whole week that I didn't sleep with s! Amazing! You are probably wondering how I did it! I am actually a little concerned how, biologically, my body managed to go through an entire evening of compliments, caresses, hugs, making of eyes, stupid stupid man tricks, so many lovely tingly man tricks! ..... And I evaded them all with poise and grace (I am not even being sarcastic - I was a pillar of something that doesn't even have sex with attached cocks. )

I think I did it with self respect. Not in the gross I FINALLY LEARNED TO LOVE MTSELF AND STOPPED THROWING MYSELF OFF BURNING BRIDFES INTO RAVINES FILLED WITH AIDS NEEDLES AND HARTBREAK way, but in the I realized that, even though I admire and look up to this person, (because he is pretty neat! ) at the end of the day he is a huge dilhole. type of way.

I know, I know, the competition for biggest dilhole in any Vancouver based social interaction is pretty cutthrouaght these days.  I usually am dilhole CHAMP (And I cringe, as suddenly it dawns on me the possible etymology of the word dilhole) and I usually win, but I think s takes the fucking cake.

Cheating on your girlfriend? What is this, 1875?

Its 2011 bra. Have a fucking threesome.

Am I the ONLY one embarrassed about the lack of appropriate, honest! timely, communication that could prevent the DESTRUCTION OF MARRIAGES; TEARING APART OF  COUPLES AND TOPPLING  OF BEST FRIENDSIESSHIPS!
How is this even an issue in this flipping day and age of mother fucking skype and ipads and smartphones and for the love of pancakes, facetime? PEOPLE. put down the trazodone and pick up some FREE LOVE! AND SHARE IT WITH ALL YOUR BEST FRIENDS! AND STOP SLEEPING WITH TWENTYSOMETHING GIRLS! (that last rant was for the older kids) all we really need is FREELOVVE.... SO LETS DO IT.

I mean, things are better than before, for true.  


okay! celebrate!
So I am going to hug the shit out of today with the smiths, an icy midday foot bath, and vodcrans before work. And t!

xoxoxox! :):)

After A Night At Prospect Point

so ..... yea this past week has been pretty neat!
back on the wagon with T.
This time around there is a lot more mutual respect though.
Which is nice! It´s comfortable!
He introduces me to his daytime friends.

On the whole it´s better, probably because I know what to expect, and what NOT to expect..... I just have a better understanding of how I fit into his routine... and hopefully vice versa!

To be honest I´m not even ecstatic, just relieved to have someone to sex other than s. I do not need to be crazy balls out in love though! We just get along, it isn’t too serious and I STILLL probably am more into it than he is.... so morally I don´t even feel bad!

(BUT! KAY I WAS LYING! I feel bad morally. there is just a teensy tiny little hitch that could possibly ruin everything and I’m sort of freaking out about it! BUT WHY? Its not like he didn’t say to me earlier that day, ´Did you hump him? I don’t even care!` or Ì like you because you are so young and innocent! ‘Like dude, my conscious is in an irreparable state! BECAUSE I FUCKED SOME BONEHEAD IN HIS DIRTY SKATESHOP SEX APARTMENT LIKE A GROUPIE THAT ACTUALLY EVEN CARES ABOUT SKATEBOARDING.)

reduce, reuse, recycle.

So I have been on a minor rampage. no serious damage. not a lot of plugging privates in privates.

affair with 18yo terminated upon my roommates discovery and subsequent shaming.
cried at a hello kitty party
have been in more limos this week than a senior prom gigolo.
have turned my google search history into a body of evidence proving my obsessive and pathetic lack of self control in regards to a fellow named____.
hours long makeout sesh with blankity blank followed up with the ubiquitous

Let us be friends. We will talk and stuff. (I am assuming by stuff he means activities that would not be offensive to his live in girlfriend.
cried. and drew. and applied for a business licence.

got druuuuuuuuuuuuuunk.

Whew.

JUILLET

I have decided
Cigs are bad
C is bad
Luxurious past times. All baaaad
Eating is bad
Pimples bad
Tumors. Bad.
Being a friendless narcissistic sp whatevs drunk aimless latching easy barfly. ... is, i will admit, tres glam. However if you were to choose this path as well i would advise you to evaluate the thickness of your skin. It is not cool to be aspiring, wide eyed, and unknowing the true cost/values of your caste.
I would say, fuck the dream.
I am not QUALIFIED to reimagine this industry, or even this fucking dessert menu in 4 months.

ramble bhlabhblah i am incompetanjt, green.
replaceable, lacking follow thru as well as a ffunctioning____
Integrity..

BEFORE i could define myself by these traits.
now. down

Are You A Loser toooooo?

So..... lets skip past my message inbox which is filled with rejection and lonlinesss and unfullfilled slash never made promises......past the frizzz that would not end on my head...,. past the ugly that will not fade.... past the fucking skinny cargos that I AM WEARING AGAIN WHAT IS MY PROBLEM.

okay.. Actually there is nothing to say after all of that.

Latent Aggression

I feel great today!
I woke up not EVEN REMOTELY upset. Which is like more fricken miraculous than how we all narrowly survived the brimstoneyx hellfisre of the rapture last night.
I am so UNFAZED that I am able to talk about what happened yesterday! Just how I felt shit and insecure no bigs!
Minor causes of shit-feeling include hearing unsettling truths about your self, unavoidable heartbreak manifesting itself in public settings, revealing elaborate schemes people put together to avoid you. Mostly I learned that friendship is a privilege that can be revoked because sometimes your annoying and horrible and basically just a gross twentyone year old that is unable to contribute to engaging and mature discussions. major factors being because I hate everyone all of the time and I can NOT even hide it and maybe I´m still a little upset right now, a little because I´m not even cool, but mostly because I am not getting laid this week and I JUST GOT A WAX EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A COLD AND THAT SHIT HURTS RIGHT NOW FUCKING COCKSUCKERS I HOPE YOU FALL DOWN AND CHOKE ON A HAIRY BALL AND GET HURT BAAAAAAAD OR SOMETHING.
I am SO FUCKING STEAMED because people tell the STUUUUUPIDEST lies in the whole wide world and I am unable to even call them out on it! BECAUSE IM A HUGE PUSSY!
I am so FUCKING LAZY I dont even want to think about what to do now. Im fucking pouting right now! LOOK AT MY POUTY FACE AND UNDERSTAND WHY I JUST STAMPED MY FOOT ON THE GROUND AND STABBED YOU IN THE CHEST WITH MY DAGGER LAZER EYES!

Because I am a little girl all of a sudden and I am definitely NOT getting my way.

Im not saying im happy its come to this, im just saying...... somebody had better bring me a fucking bag of sour keys or I am going to scream.