It Must be Odd

I feel like I miss the staring in part of life, looking in on a world of hippies and Asians and transient souls from an afar suburb.  

I'm from a small town, I currently live in the bubble.  
I wish I hadn't come here sometimes, that I still had the safety net of my family, my puppy, long dead now, my brothers, my mother.  
What did I trade it all in for? Concrete and bitches.

Yeeeea.  

Ps, just checked my google reader, hilarious juxtaposition ensued

Hint, it has nothing to do with mad cows.

Bitch in the kitch

Today I made RAW! Vegan! DESSERT NACHOOOOOOSSERS! It was fucking tasty. In lieu of tortilla chips, I used frozen raspberries and grapes, cheese was replaced with slightly slushyish almond breeze, and ground animal parts was replaced with kashi lean crunch. Yea, it all was frozen ish. But DELECTABLE! Xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoooooxx

Proud to be Canadian?

This is dumbo

Don't Cum Where You Feast

Do you ever find yourself cutting the ennui of your monotone, listless, half hampered early mid twenties by saying fuck it, I'm going to go watch the game and eat my favesies veggie burger of all time, and drink a beer (immediately BEFORE work), just to shake the shit out of the sleeping corpse of excitement that has become your life?  

This is what I decided to do on Saturday, to plague the fantastic burger establishment Stackhouse with my mopey fucking face. I was also dressed like some sort of manic phased lesbian, so there's that. I go there to eat alone k?they have a tv, bar stools, and if you were feeling obnoxiously indulgent, there are also chairs and tables for parties of two or more. On this particular occasion I chose the stool one in from the right, waved away the menus, and set my roots.  

My beer arrived quickly, foamy and frosty, so idyllic, and at this point in my alcoholism, tasting like a life force purer than water, or liquid 325.5 k diamond for that matter.  ......and then it dawned on me.  This is PURRRRRRRFECT. having a place, where I feel so comfortable being alone.  I don't need a reason other than this, and let us be honest here, BALLS OUT INSANE TARRAGON AOILI DOUSED, EDAMAME FILLED, ARUGULA CASCADING VEG BURGER FROM THE PLANET CALLED FUCKING TASTY TREATS BIIIITCHES.
I can orgasm rapidly and silently on my little stool as each mouthful of lovingly crafted vegetarian gold hugs me from the tummy side out. Have you ever had an eating disorder? Dude, just come to Stackhouse, its on Granville and Davie across from the Morrissey, and just love, and be loved, by this delicious inanimate food object.  



But, that isn't even why I'm writing today.  I wanted to type about how fucking precious being alone is sometimes.  I have never brought a lover, as its awkward receiving so much carnal, gustatory pleasure from food in front of other people.  It was bad enough that the most insanely hot bartender/ server that works there had to stand by while I basically fake watched the Washington rangers game, disguising the roiling pleasure building inside of me as I ate and creamed in my seat.  

He was reaaaaally hot.

But yea, moral of the story, Stackhouse is a sacred sanctuary untainted by the visceral grip of death that is the companionship of a lover.  Annnnd, it's gunna stay that way. Haha.
Muahaha.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

If you feel like peering into a future filled with endless amounts of anguish and bitter loss

Then I have ze video for you mes amis.


The narrative details a harsh reality,  including the truth that no matter how wasted you are everyday,  you will never forget the tragic, heart wrenching, liver failure inducing, lung collapsing, fact facing moments of your life.  It is a big fuck you to that little optimistic olga in your brain, that believes you WILL and CAN overcome.  So, a little advice,  you might as well grim the fuck up and stop tryyyying to get over it, because you will NEVER.

PS, no one loved you then, and the chance that anything has changed since is pretty fudging slim.

Also! Sometimes you come to realize, that even though you basically live in a box, and there may be an infinite amount of daisy petal encrusted  estrogen tumbling from your very own private boxy box, the reality is you spend your nights dancing down the empty concrete streets of a culturally decrepit  neighborhood. AAAANNND you know zilch. Haha, yea that was me, Just spinning this little convo back to my own personal life here, but yea, idk. Life is pointless, yadda yadda, you have good times, you have bad times. Sometimes you smell like a freshly peeled grapefruit covered by dewy moringaceae that just hopped out of a cookie dough ice cream factory. Other times, you smell like onions and garlic.  There is a little ray of sunshine I want to hold on to though, that even though you smell like Buddhas compost sometimes, you probably deserve to exist and look forward to the next day that you have the power to make exponentially better for yourself, and other people too possibly!

I loaaaathe the lyrics to this song, because it is implying I am going to be gripped by memories of the pain I am currently going through now, forever. Foreva eva, eva eva. That's fun, right.

Sooooooooo...... Maybe I'll hop back on the ladyporn train before I ruin everything moaaar

Heyo, you. 

Long time, no heart to heartisies, well guess what skanks, it's time to estro out!  Fuck everything, let us just explode in a big sweaty heap of dirty secrets and loquacious shame. 

Do you want to know what I motherfucking did today? Itis baaaaaad, it is quite possibly thee most deranged and pathetic event i have partaken in since that one time with that french kid in kits.

  I crossed a HUUUUUUUGE line, As in legally, you could basically arrest me for flat out being pyscho stalker of the year guinness world record CHAMP,  ya that's me, no bigs.

EXCEPT IT IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL WHEN YOU ARE SO STONED AND LOOSE CANNON LIKE, YOU WALK DOWN COMOX ON  MOTHERFUDGING PURPOSE .... 
AND HAVE TO CHANGE THE SIDE OF THE STREET YOU ARE WALKING ON BECAUSE, OH, WHO'S THAT UP AHEAD.? COULD IT IT BE ZE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAST PEOPLE YOU ACTUALLY WANT/NEED/SHOULD INTERACT WITH AT THIS  INFINITY BREAKING DESCENT INTO AN IRREPARABLE PATHOS THAT WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE AND COVERED IN YOUR OWN SLIMY CAROB SCENTED VEGETABLE VOMIT ONE DAY.  AND CRAZY.  with cats.  

ps it was JjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjfuckIng cob.  

PPs, why does this city feel so small, every street and park a potential disaster, as the thought of the imminent onslaught of meetings with past lovers chips away at my nervous system.

Ppps chub club. YouTube it.