Thursday, September 15, 2011

Who needs to fuck boys when you have mumford and sons AND a bottle of fireball AND ALSO other things to do, like your fucking life. what was my vagina thinking.

So yea, who feels silly today!!! ME! 
I should have known T hated me all along and basically thinks I´m the worst ever and  I should just delete his number AGAIN because clearly I have no use for it anymore. The End.
Well not the end actually. The skank train has undergone some serious renovations and is now ready to plow forward FULL THROTTLE into the depths of some sexy, rainy day depravity.  That is right folks! While I clearly have no ability whatsoever to hold the interest of the coke addled young and bright male  minds of this city....... I can sure reel more innocent, fragile types in like.... fish in a barrel? I have not lost my ability to appear to be attractive at least!
....And so I will recap this weeks exploits.  
`You could not be hotter if you tried´..... repeat in my ears this jingly little tune 25 more times throughout the evening and imagine my altered state of euphoria that resulted.  Granted.... this comment usually came after I performed  such erotic displays as 
  1. masturbating in front of him
  2. pulling my hair back 
  3. being on top
  4. sitting on my couch
Now, I do not want to have an over inflated self worth.  ...... But it feels nice when people think you are really hot in the middle of - the most fatiguing -  sex sesh.  Espeicially when this person is just a 22yo puppy dog that is so sweet and innocent and probably is infatuated with life at least thirty times a day! 
His name is Jacob and he is alsooooo a bartender! 

KAY HOLD THE JUDGEMNET HE ALSO GOES TO SCHOOL AND PLAYS SPORTS and is super sweet! And we are going to fuck like crazy tonight again. So yea........ probably throwing myself off a cliff here.  YOU KNOW BEING INVOLVED EMOTIONALLY IS SO DANGEROUS AND HAS NOT BEEN OVERLY REWARDING TO ME THUS FAR:  jeeeeeez.

But yea, we met in a gay bar which also happened to be my 13yo selfs wet dream! . 
Just realized.... 12 CONSECUTIVE months in one city since I was 13! Coolio.

Love love, xoxoxoxox

Friday, September 9, 2011

WHOOO even GOES to the Morrissey on a fucking friday.

So how about celebrating your success?

Pretty underrated if you ask me!

I have accomplished a monumentally painstaking, clit numbingly harsh, and excruciating task. One whole week that I didn't sleep with s! Amazing! You are probably wondering how I did it! I am actually a little concerned how, biologically, my body managed to go through an entire evening of compliments, caresses, hugs, making of eyes, stupid stupid man tricks, so many lovely tingly man tricks! ..... And I evaded them all with poise and grace (I am not even being sarcastic - I was a pillar of something that doesn't even have sex with attached cocks. )

I think I did it with self respect. Not in the gross I FINALLY LEARNED TO LOVE MTSELF AND STOPPED THROWING MYSELF OFF BURNING BRIDFES INTO RAVINES FILLED WITH AIDS NEEDLES AND HARTBREAK way, but in the I realized that, even though I admire and look up to this person, (because he is pretty neat! ) at the end of the day he is a huge dilhole. type of way.

I know, I know, the competition for biggest dilhole in any Vancouver based social interaction is pretty cutthrouaght these days.  I usually am dilhole CHAMP (And I cringe, as suddenly it dawns on me the possible etymology of the word dilhole) and I usually win, but I think s takes the fucking cake.

Cheating on your girlfriend? What is this, 1875?

Its 2011 bra. Have a fucking threesome.

Am I the ONLY one embarrassed about the lack of appropriate, honest! timely, communication that could prevent the DESTRUCTION OF MARRIAGES; TEARING APART OF  COUPLES AND TOPPLING  OF BEST FRIENDSIESSHIPS!
How is this even an issue in this flipping day and age of mother fucking skype and ipads and smartphones and for the love of pancakes, facetime? PEOPLE. put down the trazodone and pick up some FREE LOVE! AND SHARE IT WITH ALL YOUR BEST FRIENDS! AND STOP SLEEPING WITH TWENTYSOMETHING GIRLS! (that last rant was for the older kids) all we really need is FREELOVVE.... SO LETS DO IT.

I mean, things are better than before, for true.  

okay! celebrate!
So I am going to hug the shit out of today with the smiths, an icy midday foot bath, and vodcrans before work. And t!

xoxoxox! :):)