Friday, June 22, 2012

Some mornings, you listen to You are the Quarry, and groan, because we live in a world that will never know how Steven Patrick Morrissey actually feels.

I don’t know that I can point to a moment when things changed.  All I know is that last summer I was in a bikini, and this summer I’m not.  Several months ago, I hardly thought twice about what the effect of what I am wearing will be on the men I meet out in public, and now I never leave the mirror in the morning without thinking about it.
This girl in California, that recently stopped wearing bikinis. TRAPPED.
I would like to start a discussion about personal freedoms, self restraint, etcetc. For another day, sober.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Just another dip; a little slippity slip into the slowly cooling pool of depravity I made for myself.

My friend made me watch that dumb timeline video on the login page for Facebook. [italics, who logs out of Facebook?-]

I was drunk, and watching that video became a weird, instant gratification type of scenario, that or a friends off type of state ensued......anyway. Watching that video was utterly the worst experience of my entire fucking life.  The only thing better than being drunk and NOT watching that movie, is being drunk and deleting your Facebook all together.  For that five minuetes, your mind will be a free raven, a soaring black blip on the cusp of the Internet, heralding in new and old information alike into the new day.  Your hands will jostle busily at the keyboard, constantly bringing witty and exciting subject matter to your most forthright screen, where as before they hovered over only the mouse and your cell phone, twitching nervously with every passing moment devoid of constant smothering attention.  Or touching your private while you masturbated.  

For that five minutes you are nothing, and you have everything, spread before you Like a giant scrollable, reddit page of life.  And then you get drunk, and then you die. The end.  
Ps, nobody loved you.  But I do!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Oblivion Seeking Slurp

What's better than fathers day?

Being ####### as fuck.

Scared, to call my dad, and my grandpapa, and! Well, die.  Sentence over.

My head is heavy with this past week, and I can not think of Any other way to celebrate than by downing a bottle of shot in the dark, turning up a filthy playlist of crotch grabbing music and falling asleep in my shambles of an apartment.  
It is soooo fucking messy in here.  

Okay, first off, I have found myself entangled in the early stages of what has all the markers of being a long term relationship.  Everything is going swimmingly, at a socially acceptable pace, cues being fired and responded to with an appropriate level of sluttiness.  

We will leave it there for now, because this lovely person has gone back to his home province for a week, to attend a wedding....... Ahhh it would suffice to say that we ALL know about the drunken shenanigans that transpire in east coast provinces under these circumstances, and I can only hope, best case scenario, that we reunite next Sunday more in love, and better for it.  

I have nothing to complain about explicitly at the moment, whoop whoop! ....except for that I wish my little asshole brain would forget the following people,
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I want to clean my house today, get some rest, and just generally be very drunk for the next 6 days. I believe this method for success will work for me this time, because I won't have to think about a single thing, or work on improving myself, i might even stop crying, nap, drink some more.  .....What type of list did this start out as? Time for some coffee.  I mean wine, and if anyone has a great playlist that matches this spectacular Vancouver summer, please forward toooo meeeee.  (I'm not even being sarcastic, the summer rain is fantastic. )

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Radiohead, crying, open blinds. Breaking up with my  One true gratuitous sex love via text. 

It feels incredibly good to be sitting in your pretty, girl apartment. For about five minutes only though, before the loneliness creeps up your vertebrae, tingling you into a senseless pleasure only to then cut your fucking head off.  At this point, you start feeling a little weird. 

So today I was sooo. Incredibly. Grumppppay with every single person that came within the death shaped radius that surrounded me. I was a ferocious lioness in a field full of lambs, raining my rage down on everything. I might have to deal with the fact that a lot of people might consider me to be a huge bitch now. Or worse, they may know my true self, Just some dumb immature, terrible girl.
I am doing this, jeez whiz, WHHHYY? Everything is so great right now! There is absolutely no need to fuck it up with bratty behavior. Complete Self destruction shouldnt be on ze menu right now! Ahahahahfhghfhdbs.

Okay, breathe deeply, shake The tired sillies outof my eyes and cheer the fuck up! I could be spending my time being a good friend, considerate daughter, I could be an inspiring figure to my younger siblings and cousins, but here I am.  Overwhelmed, but dare i ask, by fucking what?  all of the opportunities and nice people around me? Time to start living! And giving back all of the time / affection I have been sucking my friends dry of.  

Wow, I have been lame lately.