Proud to be Canadian?

This is dumbo

Don't Cum Where You Feast

Do you ever find yourself cutting the ennui of your monotone, listless, half hampered early mid twenties by saying fuck it, I'm going to go watch the game and eat my favesies veggie burger of all time, and drink a beer (immediately BEFORE work), just to shake the shit out of the sleeping corpse of excitement that has become your life?  

This is what I decided to do on Saturday, to plague the fantastic burger establishment Stackhouse with my mopey fucking face. I was also dressed like some sort of manic phased lesbian, so there's that. I go there to eat alone k?they have a tv, bar stools, and if you were feeling obnoxiously indulgent, there are also chairs and tables for parties of two or more. On this particular occasion I chose the stool one in from the right, waved away the menus, and set my roots.  

My beer arrived quickly, foamy and frosty, so idyllic, and at this point in my alcoholism, tasting like a life force purer than water, or liquid 325.5 k diamond for that matter.  ......and then it dawned on me.  This is PURRRRRRRFECT. having a place, where I feel so comfortable being alone.  I don't need a reason other than this, and let us be honest here, BALLS OUT INSANE TARRAGON AOILI DOUSED, EDAMAME FILLED, ARUGULA CASCADING VEG BURGER FROM THE PLANET CALLED FUCKING TASTY TREATS BIIIITCHES.
I can orgasm rapidly and silently on my little stool as each mouthful of lovingly crafted vegetarian gold hugs me from the tummy side out. Have you ever had an eating disorder? Dude, just come to Stackhouse, its on Granville and Davie across from the Morrissey, and just love, and be loved, by this delicious inanimate food object.  



But, that isn't even why I'm writing today.  I wanted to type about how fucking precious being alone is sometimes.  I have never brought a lover, as its awkward receiving so much carnal, gustatory pleasure from food in front of other people.  It was bad enough that the most insanely hot bartender/ server that works there had to stand by while I basically fake watched the Washington rangers game, disguising the roiling pleasure building inside of me as I ate and creamed in my seat.  

He was reaaaaally hot.

But yea, moral of the story, Stackhouse is a sacred sanctuary untainted by the visceral grip of death that is the companionship of a lover.  Annnnd, it's gunna stay that way. Haha.
Muahaha.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

If you feel like peering into a future filled with endless amounts of anguish and bitter loss

Then I have ze video for you mes amis.


The narrative details a harsh reality,  including the truth that no matter how wasted you are everyday,  you will never forget the tragic, heart wrenching, liver failure inducing, lung collapsing, fact facing moments of your life.  It is a big fuck you to that little optimistic olga in your brain, that believes you WILL and CAN overcome.  So, a little advice,  you might as well grim the fuck up and stop tryyyying to get over it, because you will NEVER.

PS, no one loved you then, and the chance that anything has changed since is pretty fudging slim.

Also! Sometimes you come to realize, that even though you basically live in a box, and there may be an infinite amount of daisy petal encrusted  estrogen tumbling from your very own private boxy box, the reality is you spend your nights dancing down the empty concrete streets of a culturally decrepit  neighborhood. AAAANNND you know zilch. Haha, yea that was me, Just spinning this little convo back to my own personal life here, but yea, idk. Life is pointless, yadda yadda, you have good times, you have bad times. Sometimes you smell like a freshly peeled grapefruit covered by dewy moringaceae that just hopped out of a cookie dough ice cream factory. Other times, you smell like onions and garlic.  There is a little ray of sunshine I want to hold on to though, that even though you smell like Buddhas compost sometimes, you probably deserve to exist and look forward to the next day that you have the power to make exponentially better for yourself, and other people too possibly!

I loaaaathe the lyrics to this song, because it is implying I am going to be gripped by memories of the pain I am currently going through now, forever. Foreva eva, eva eva. That's fun, right.

Sooooooooo...... Maybe I'll hop back on the ladyporn train before I ruin everything moaaar

Heyo, you. 

Long time, no heart to heartisies, well guess what skanks, it's time to estro out!  Fuck everything, let us just explode in a big sweaty heap of dirty secrets and loquacious shame. 

Do you want to know what I motherfucking did today? Itis baaaaaad, it is quite possibly thee most deranged and pathetic event i have partaken in since that one time with that french kid in kits.

  I crossed a HUUUUUUUGE line, As in legally, you could basically arrest me for flat out being pyscho stalker of the year guinness world record CHAMP,  ya that's me, no bigs.

EXCEPT IT IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL WHEN YOU ARE SO STONED AND LOOSE CANNON LIKE, YOU WALK DOWN COMOX ON  MOTHERFUDGING PURPOSE .... 
AND HAVE TO CHANGE THE SIDE OF THE STREET YOU ARE WALKING ON BECAUSE, OH, WHO'S THAT UP AHEAD.? COULD IT IT BE ZE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAST PEOPLE YOU ACTUALLY WANT/NEED/SHOULD INTERACT WITH AT THIS  INFINITY BREAKING DESCENT INTO AN IRREPARABLE PATHOS THAT WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE AND COVERED IN YOUR OWN SLIMY CAROB SCENTED VEGETABLE VOMIT ONE DAY.  AND CRAZY.  with cats.  

ps it was JjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjfuckIng cob.  

PPs, why does this city feel so small, every street and park a potential disaster, as the thought of the imminent onslaught of meetings with past lovers chips away at my nervous system.

Ppps chub club. YouTube it. 

Do you ever

Find pieces of yourself on the Internet you wish you had been sober for?

Dude stop!pleeease stop typing. You sound like a ruthless maniac!

.... Or at least take advantage of the anonymous option, jeez Louise kid.
< br/>

Down past the quay, where the rainwalkers go,

i sang this to my love about two years ago and we're still in love with each other. even tho i'm 16 girl i think i've found the one. I let him go before because long distance and another girl he started to like. But now he's come back to me and you know what they say. . . But lol i love this song it's changed my life. :-) [sic]



http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Somersault-lyrics-Zero-7/AF21671AD701F99048256E4B002DA15A

Well, jamming out to my slow jamz and boom.  



I'm basically a sixteen year old girl, on pot.  

Lifestyle change followed by a little euthanasia please. 

Ps, online dating has been amping up the hilarity this week.

Fidgety finance guy makes dating look fun! .... I love excel.

Entitled assholes finding other entitled assholes .... For the niche market of assssssholes VS jet set ready escorts

Benny And the jets burlesque style, ring of cocks

B

Awe! Rich and suzanne must really love eachother!

 

You tube Tuesday , which is actually YouTube Monday, because these links were probs more relevant to my emotional biochemistry at that point in time.      

  White killer whales

  Some aspirational music  

 

  Some cray cray

 

  Annnd this protector by ze white stripes.

 

So, yea I have basically been a ghost for the past six months, haunting all the forgotten, repressed memory sections of the city.  Like, !!! Davie street! And, the same place i found that beautiful stone lettering above! 

spoiler alert!  

 

The sea wall. 

Also, what if I smell like shit?  
..... 
Honestly, is this the reason I'm still single? ... 
Could it really be, The fecal aroma of stomach acid poached, intestine molded crudité pâté that surrounds me? 
 
But! Alternatively, What if I'm in the washroom after a little lovemaking, and my partner takes a shit in my room? Do I really want to be that intimate with someone who could defecate, figuratively and literally, all of his baggage all overrrrr the most intimate, personal areas of my life?   

Arrrrrgh. Probs not. 

Mahabharata

Soooooooo. 
Yea, video update for this week today.

Dom bombed on Sunday. Another year marked by the escapist tendencies of this rapidly aging alcoholic fem bot.

Shitcanned Tuesday, dragged in a drunken stupor from yaletown, to the Granville room and east van

Informed by wasted Jacob at 4:36 am that we are not allowed to be friends even, with apologies if that should seem...... Cold. 

Suuuuuuuper dooper Saturday, except. This! Really great video was playing behind my head the entire duration of an otherwise totally satisfactory ravishing sesh.


This fucking video!


Dude. What the fuck.

Why was i born in this dumb generation of stimulus starved narcissistic boys.