Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Worst Case Scenario

No, it wasn't meeting the most beautiful shaggy hipster ever in my fucking UGGS immediately having worked for ten hours. - That was okay because I ALWAYS look good after a quick dust of bronzy and a few swipes of mascara/lip balm. It's not hard, and after being with a herd of men (Working! Im not THAT kind of skeazy) for an entire day, a girl needs to fem up a bit.

It wasn't the fact that I cried, although shit did get fucked up and it was MY fault.

No, these were simply growing experiences that I can use to better myself for the future. However, there is a small window between calmly hyperventiliating whilst changing out of your failure soaked whites and looking knowingly upon a new day. That window of time is preferably spent getting silly on vodka redbulls and prowling the bars in yaletown.
Such was my plan when two friends, Mr. Already Drunk and Mr. 12 Lines of Coke Deep sat at my table and convinved me to hang out with them. As I am writing this, I see where my biggest mistake was made.

You see, I just needed to get laid. With a cute/nice/tall/RANDOM babe. Instead, I signed myself up for a crash course in how to babysit a couple of sloppy/coked out drunkards whilst they played IN the chinese food at Tsui Hangs. At 3:30am.

Not to say I am incredibly thankful one of these individuals managed to barf before going to bed (Puke buckets can be difficult targets people!) And that I managed to wake him up and drag him to work (on time I might add)...... but as I was laying on his couch, still buzzed and completely dtf......god I couldn't even finger myself....... I had the vague impression that somewhere out there, I missed out on some great holiday season fucking. Worst ever. :(