Friday, May 18, 2012

How do you forget about someone that did, actually, exist?

Do you ever get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach, that every single cock that has ever been in your private was secretly attached to a whole closest case homo nut job?

//disclaimer, this is reaaaalllymore about my rejection issues than my actually perception of these lovely folks' sexually identity. Titty, hahaha.///// For myself, I know. KNOOOOWWWW this to be true.
Par example; henrik.  With his warm embraces and subtle gentlemanly demeanor, his European style of fucking, and catering to my every whim. I believe he was gay because sometimes we would watch, on my sacred virginal bed, those old spice commercials from 2010 (I'm on a horse!) before getting down to the biz nasty.
Adam - ginger and weird
Tony - 30 yo skater. Nuff said. Always wanted to put it in ze butthole.  
Sten - good little Christian boy! Cootchie Cootchie cooooo. Had a girlfriend, wore a lot of lululemon.
Ellie from France - need I say more? He friggin fucked me as I was bleeding out of my vhagine!
Jacob - worked on motherfucking davie street, a whole 15 minute bus ride away from his home. Had a lot of female friends, had a bisexual friend, had a lot of gay male friends, picked me up at THE JUNCTION .... a place he frequented often. Loved his mom like non other, was super considerate and amazing when he wasn't drinking away his closet-cock fueled sorrow to the max, had a very hard time ejaculating, and, quite often, Sperm cummeth Not at all, In a way that led me to believe my body was fucking repulsive to him.  It's been five ish ,months since I've last seen him though, his life might be drastically more heterosexual now, who the fuck knows.
Mac - from north van, maybe they all just turn out that way?
Aaaaaaand last and definitely almost the best lover of them all, this balls out beautiful lacrosse player that was basically cut from marble by Donatello and was brought to life by the magic that is vodka on ice. but who also might spend a lot of time looking at his teammates naked abs and butts and probably has secret crushes on at LEAST three of them.

My ultimate dream in life is to just make nachos, take off my shirt, and do silly little dances in my living room with some dumb guy with super great abs that likes my dumb vegetarian food and has sorta long hair, and we BOOOTH like grizzly bear and tomatoes. AND. MAYBE, on tuesday afternoons, when it is really sunny but we are both so very tired from fucking the nice riiiiiight out of each other, we just sit on my couch, in the late afternoon glow, and read books that we don't really need to read for any particular reason. And then we get to eat MORE nachos! AGAIN!

I basically have decided, I attract These fembot/down lo situations BECAUSE I SECRETLY LOOK LIKE A MAN.  

There is no other rational reason to explain why a crazy, under sexed 22 yo such as myself is still so fucking, mind blowingly, single.