Nobody loves you after, for starters. Let us be clear though, it is usually amazing and lovely and blah blah blah privates happy etcetc cock in vag hohum.
I think I'm just over it, maybe, who knows. ..... Maybe just up to the midway guzzle of my fourth/thousandth beer when the solitude of early morning debauchery presses most heavy on my heart.
I should probably stop talking about my favourite conquest as well, oh you know the one! The epicenter of the most shameful infatuation I have ever felt. Mostly because I literally can not restrain myself from over saturating our texting convo with my dumb texts.
I called him kittykat once people, which is part of the reason why my face is in my hands in utter despair. Other really great moments -
that time you said 'to heck with you dignity!' and texted, called, first, relentlessly, without response. Oh wait, that was EVERY FUCKING TIME.
That time he asked me, pointing to a fleur de lis, what this is and I said fleur d'aunis, because apparently I am obsessed with my dumb job and have nothing else except stinky rind washed cheeses to think about.
That time I was really boring
Etc,etc,
....oh yea! Best ever! That time after he kisses me goodbye, I whisper in his ear......"..thank you for not cumming inside of me. "
At this point I should have seppuku'd.
Oy fucking vey.
And then yesterday, Because I am amazing, I went to the Flying Pig for brunch. Before work, and drank a half bottle of champagne with a friend, a wise older woman who I wanted to learn from. At this pointin my life, I needed a mentor to tell me ... Something. Prolific, prophetic, I didn't even care, I would have taken anything. In fact, I took the croque Madame, sans le jambon, a big swig of champers, and listened to every word she had for me. It was amazing, but telling, and awful, and at the end, after the brunch crowd had dissipated, I fiiiinally had the opportunity to use my cod joke (Chef Eric says to us, get over it! Plenty of other fish in the sea! And I say yea, but not a lot of Atlantic cod. Crickets. ), we said goodbye to the neighboring table of elderly brunching hipster ladies (dump him, they agree, unknowing I actually don't have anything to dump) and I left for work, all bubbles and foam on the inside, giddy and sad,
What an exciting time.
