Friday, March 25, 2011

A COMEDY OF DOUCHES ..... Or alternatively its 830am and im three stellas deep with my best friend Florence and the machine.

positive: I found the most amazing penis. A perfect set of privates. The pleasure trifector if you will.
I don't have to talk to him, text him. I don't have to put up with his weird 18yo bullshit, because he's 28.

Positve: my vagina is SMILING at the day, saying hey mother fuxkaaas. I feel nice.

Negative: this particular penis has a dog? Just came back from Mexico? Previoulsy lived in a house? Won't take me to his new apartment??? Gf? Shush! Don't even say that! Calm the fuck down lady! Stop being such a paranoid polly and just breathe in some sanity, and blow out with crazy kay.

Positive: he seems to know the entrenetier at my restaurant. How quaint it is that yalerown is such a small town at heart. How deliciously quaint.

-Okay, I am about to go harsh negative nancy on your butt so just grab some orange juice so you can chug a little sunshine after we get this ugly business out of the way. Cool.

Negative: indeed yes, my entrenetier knows this particular penis ........his girlfriend is a close family friend.
Actually, this particular penis called him when he was looking for a job....... Since then he has found a job fucking next door
ALSO my entrenetier buds says there is a picture of this penis, WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND I REPEAT HE IS BALLED AND CHAINED on buds mom's fridge. Just to be sure, we texted buds mom for confirmation on the status of the relationship. Her response. They live together.

Relationship. Confirmed.
Douichebaggery. Confirmed.

...... Another swinging dick. Come and left.