Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Dirt bags with ponytails standing next to babes in hats

I suck at booty calls. I suck at life!
I don't want to be a negative nancy right now, but I just have to vent these gross feelings here so I do not have to feel icky and pathetic all day. Thanks! I feel ten times better already!
I also feel really gooooood, because I just remebered! I totally win at dance floor make outs! DFMO! Fuck yes!
Last night began with a near overturbulation of stimulation. I could hardly contain myself! Pretty/gorgeous/sexxxy men EEVERYWHERE! I did not want to be objectifyibg all these babes with dirty make out sessions in my head, so I had to BREATHE and CALM THE FUCK DOWN. (I am not even sure where they all came from! I must have attacted them with the residual energy from the living room dance party I hosted early in the day. Guests = me and it was sexy! I promise!)
Anywaaaays, It was my friends birthday at the stroke of 12, at which point I simultaneously was finished work, so we sat at my bar and drank like champions(probably not though! I had three vodka tonics, he had 2 shots and 5 beers) while hot men SWARMED around us. As the night progressed, I ended up at the roxy with the bartenders from the bar downstairs, lost the birthday boy, and realized I didn't actually know any of these guys friends. So it was a little awkward..........
and then I made out. On the dance floor. With xxxxx, the bartender. I am losing enthusiasm as I recount the de-tails of this event, because although it was hot, I (obviously) wanted to take it further. No strings attached, kinda like the movie, but with more workplace gossip and awkwardness.
Just, it was taking forever for him to get past groping/kissing me!

Am I crazy and desperate for willing to thrust myself into an unflattering light just to get laid? Or is my vagina severely deficient in vitamin d.i.c.k. and as a healthy, happy, 20yo girl with a libido that is, well probably it's own organ by now, I am just doing what I need to survive ie not go through another sexless week.

It could really go either way.
Because I bolted. I stopped the dance floor make out, made a beeline for the washroom and subsequently ran out. Of. That. Place...
I texted T on the walk home. Wanting to hang out. I bootycalled him! It must have been obvious, it was 3AMISH! He responded right away stating that he has to wake up in four hours. I said yea buds! You need to sleep now then! He said I know right! AT WHICH POINT I TOLD HIM MY VAGINA AND I WERE GOING TO HANGOUT NOW GOOD NIGHT. Intent of booty call confirmed.

So yea, I just want to take this moment to be thankful nothing EMBARRASSING happened last night! I am so glad I don't come across as weird/cockhungry/desperate! That I do not have to take this oppurtunity to think of ways to emerge gracefully, because I already am graceful. Jeez.