Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Love Letters Like Hate Letters

Wow T, you really stepped up for Valentines Day (Why am I still talking about this loser holiday) too bad my heart is not a chocolate that will melt from the warmth emanating off the palms of your hands.
I sent this via text:

Awww! Wow thanks for sending me flowers so I don't feel pathetic and sad that im alone on this holiest of days. I really appreiciate the consideration, maybs I won't have that sexy threesome forking sesh with cheesecake, gin, and me. Thank you sooo MUCH! They smell amazing! Hate to burst your bubble, but the ones my mom sent me were bigger and the type I actually like. Let me inflate your bubble again: this is totally the sweetest thing that has happened to me, EVER! Burst: except for that time someone sent me 7llbs of my fave lindt chocolates. That was a great half hour. Infllate: Not as great as the ten minutes you were inside me thoiugh! Burst: you couldn't. Inflate: However, you are still totally super special! Burst: needs.


Please just send me gin next time. I can't sit here in the dark sober.

End text.

Other stuff that happened this week:

Sunday Evening. Shortly before my Sunday Evening Booty Call.
At veras alone the day before valentines day drinking beer. Alone. In a room full of middle aged gay men (because this is davie street). Waiting for my veggie burger. Contemplating where I'm going to throw it up after.

I am alone right now. My vagina is alone in this world.

How did I get to this point?
Sometimes I think about all the great things I used to have, and I feel super sad! Relationships, computers, imagination, pillows. Necklace collection. Idk. Toothpaste. I used to have cinnamon toothpaste. Why do I buy regular toothpaste now? What's CHANGED?????!!!

I texted H drunkenly last night. Telling him I missed him, not just because he had amazing privates, but because he was a great person. I spelled privates like oprigetd though. He messaged me back saying I wasn't lame, and asking what pditates meant. YOU HAVE A GREAT PENIS BUDS JUST WANTED TO LET YA KNOW. I didn't respond.

Back to current events, unfolding right NOW. Still alone, finished my gross burger. I smell of mustard.

Love you. xx
Ps, is my life a mess? What flavour toothpaste will fix it?